This is part 3 of a multi-part series all about planning child centered transitions in foster care. Please click here to access prior posts on this topic.
In the past two posts, I covered a basic introduction to the topic of transitioning children from one caregiver to another, which almost always involves a change in the child’s living situation. We learned that the traditional approach to transitions in foster care is akin to ripping off a Band-Aid: quick, knowing it will hurt, but with the belief that there’s benefit in getting it over with.
In my previous post, we met Claire—a fictional child experiencing foster care. Claire is six years old and has been in her current foster placement for the past 18 months. Now, with the termination of parental rights (TPR) occurring, it’s time for her to move to her permanent family.
In this series, we’ll explore Claire's response to various transition scenarios, aiming to identify the approach that best supports Claire’s emotional and mental health.
Transition #1: The Band-Aid Approach
As the time approaches for Claire to move, her social worker contacts her current foster family (Alex and Susan Jones) to inform them that a family has been selected for Claire. This new family, Mary and Mike Smith, would like to meet at a local fast-food restaurant to facilitate the transfer of Claire and her belongings. Susan, emotionally shaken, ends the call—confusing the social worker, as the Joneses had been clear about being a foster-only family.
Later that evening, Alex and Susan sit down with Claire to break the news. Claire, who affectionately calls them “mom” and “dad,” becomes immediately upset, crying and clinging to them.
Over the next few days, Claire experiences emotional distress as her belongings are packed into boxes. Alex and Susan, also emotional, reassure her that she’ll be happy in her new family and that she’ll soon be adopted. Although Claire doesn’t fully grasp the concept of adoption, she’s adamant about not wanting to leave her current family.
On the agreed-upon day, the Joneses and the Smiths meet as planned. Claire hides behind Susan as she’s introduced to Mike and Mary. Vaguely recalling seeing them at a picnic where she had the opportunity to play with a bunch of new kids (unknown to Claire, this event was an adoption fair where prospective adopters could come and interact with children available for adoption), Claire watches her boxes being moved to the Smiths’ car. She clings to Susan, screaming "Mommy, don't make me go! Please let me stay Mommy!" With tears in his eyes, Alex peels Claire off of a sobbing Susan and hands her to Mike, who loads her into the back of their car. As the car pulls away, Claire continues to scream and hit the windows, begging Mommy and Daddy to come get her. Mary speaks to Claire in a soft voice and attempts to hand her a pink soft blanket and a matching pink teddy bear. Claire throws the items back at Mary, hysterically yelling that she HATES PINK AND SHE HATES TEDDY BEARS!!! Overwhelmed by these incredibly intense emotions, Claire eventually cries herself to sleep.
Upon arriving at their home, the Smiths introduce a silent Claire to her new home. Her room is painted a cheerful light pink, featuring a beautiful unicorn mural on the wall. The closet is filled with new clothes, and her bed is piled with cute stuffed animals, including a few more bears. Despite the warm welcome, Claire sits in a corner of the sofa, pulling herself into a tight ball as if she were trying to disappear. She refuses to join Mary and Mike at the table, even though they’ve prepared several kid-favorite foods. Everyone involved, Alex, Susan, Mary, Mike, and especially Claire, end the day feeling overwhelmed, drained and disillusioned.
Food for Thought -
How do you think this transition felt for Claire? For Mike and Mary? For Alex and Susan?
Join me next week for Claire's Transition, Version 2.
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